My Inevitable Issues

9:30 PM (Ang damot ni sun broadband, di maka connect!)

Disclaimer: I am using Copper while creating this blog (FYI, Copper is my partner's netbook).

Aging seems like yesterday. I can still remember some happy memories during my childhood days. How I wish I can turn back time and be a kid once more. But, hey I am 30 now! And living a life of thirty seems scary...

Being conscious sometimes helps, but sometimes it can make you gaga. Gaga because aging means being prone to illness: being sickly. Luckily, I am not suffering from rheumatism, memory loss or some stuff related to that. I don't know, I just feel like 30 is the new 20! I hate the thought of being in a rush achieving some things due to aging. You know, things like getting married and have kids (as if) and making my parents happy because of a Requita offspring that my hormone will produce (again, as if; but I love kids). I still want to enjoy life and be free-spirited, be happy, just enjoying life the way I know how, without following the standards the world has created for every human being suffering from getting old (ouch).

I swear I will handle maturity at the right moment, just give me more time to enjoy what I have right now; though my future is quite haunting me now. I might be happy now but how about tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next month? Come on, 30 yet no investments to call my own? No house and lot I can call mine; no car; no MAC book; no iPad; no bank account? Where have all my money gone? Am I too conceited that I took all the money and time for granted? A question even Google cannot provide an answer for me. Well I know someone who’s happy every 13^th and 28^th of the month (calling my mother, my older sister and her kids!) Well, family comes first before narcissism.

Another scary thought is growing old (literally) ALONE.

Going back to aging, lately, I’ve been feeling quite illness (here comes the most-est scary part). PE’s driving me mad. I don’t know if I have it during my younger years but it is alarming now. I feel so sorry for dissatisfying my partner every time we do the deed. Ego’s crashing every day! Hyperhidrosis comes next.  Every single move equals sweat. Capital P-E-R-S-P-I-R-A-T-I-O-N. Heaven’s still at my side because I ain’t emitting foul smell every time I perspire, but embarrassment kills me.  Just holding a coin makes my palms sweaty. A simple sweeping of the floor can fill a tablespoon! Currently, my dentist declared I have a gum problem (I forgot the dental term), too late as he’s flying to Riyadh so he cannot attend to my dental needs. Fixing it costs 5*3 thousand per tooth! Chicken Fuck’s still left me with black spots all over my skin! What more illness is in store for me? During APE, my vision increases, too. Thanks to Ricky Reyes, I dyed my hair mahogany; else I will be mistakenly compared to a Grandpa.

Every time self-pity visits my system, along with the crashing ego; I either write or blog. And the things I fought with these are the ones I have: my good family, caring friends, my job, my not-so-perfect-yet-lovely partner. These are my tools to distract me from thinking that the world turned its back on me.

But despite of it all, I just felt so blessed and thankful that these issues are present. I can feel my humanity within me. Guess I just need to embrace every flaws and live life to the fullest. I just need to reconnect myself to the Creator and I’m sure these will fade (hope not worsen) along the journey of my not-so-perfect-but-happy-life.